"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecc. 3:1

Photo credit to darlingbydesignphotography.com

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Loving "heavy"

Our third day in Ethiopia with A.J. was "heavy" for me. I remember pondering all day what it is to love an adopted child. As a family we had been praying for months that God would prepare our hearts (and A.J's) for what was to come. I had explained to the kids before we left that it may take time for them to "feel" like he was their brother. I didn't want them to feel guilty for not having instant love for someone they had just met. We talk often about loving others as yourself and how this would apply with our newest family member.

As I was laying in our hotel room that night I remember praying, "Jesus, I would die for this little boy, but I don't know him." That was strange for me. With our biological children I had 9 months to carry and nurture them. When they were born, I rocked them and nursed them, and gradually learned who they were. In their toddler years I fed them Cheerios, read books to them, and helped them learn their boundaries. With A.J. it was obviously very different. I stepped off the van and this 4 year old boy jumped into my arms......a 4 year old that couldn't speak English. He couldn't tell me about his past or how he felt. He couldn't tell me what his favorite color was or if he was scared in his bed at night.

God continually showed me His faithfulness as we spent the first days of our life together in Ethiopia. Despite the conflicting emotions that were playing in my heart I felt His leading me to be patient, to not be anxious, to wait on Him. I had no doubt that He knew that Afewerk Joseph was going to be my son when He placed the stars in the sky, and that made all the difference!

The distance between "I would die for him" and "I don't know him" is drastically decreasing. Our love for one another is growing. I am watching our whole family learn to love each other in a new, sweet way. A.J. has now been with us for nine days and we have come so far. I am learning more about him every day. He scrunches his nose and growls when we wants to wrestle with me, he says "I love you" and calls me "mommy" 400 times a day, he loves to take a bath, he doesn't like ice in his drinks, he wants Eggo waffles without syrup every morning, he loves to listen to music, he likes to be read to and rocked to sleep, and he detests riding in his car seat.

I have often said that adoption is a roller coaster ride. The last 10 months have been full of highs and lows. I am so grateful to be setting on this side of the process, but I wouldn't trade one minute of this "ride". God is teaching me so much about love, about uncertainties, about His sovereignty. It seemed appropriate to post the picture of A.J. and I with one of my favorite verses painted on the wall of his transition home, Isaiah 40:31.

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The Stiffs said...

Beautiful post. It's so nice to hear about how you are walking it before we go through it.

Sara said...

Beautiful. Made me cry. :)

Bonner Family said...

I love your post. I so pray for the same things. I'm glad to hear that things are going so well, and I love the pic of you and AJ with the verse. It is precious.